a post that requires a new joe quesada tag

I do not read any comics with X-Men in the title. I have not read House of M, any of the Decimation stories, anything by Grant Morrison, or Matt Fraction's latest offering, Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: The Exodus, which JC just reviewed. I like Matt Fraction. I don't blame him in the slightest for doing the best he could with the X-dross that he has been given by years of mismanagement. I blame Joe Quesada. However, this concept of putting the remaining 200 mutants on an island is either the worse metaphor in history or just a really stupid plot development.

JC says the mutants have been talking about their culture since before House of M, and it's been seen as a metaphor for any "minority" (usually gay but sometimes any generic non-privileged) "culture" (that is, the stereotypical behaviors or markers collectively identified by the privileged [or, more accurately, the media] and used when talking about/reporting on the minority in question). (To save time and abuse of quotation marks, I'm going to use the term "gay pride" for people who have chosen to identify themselves and act in ways that have become stereotypical. This is in contrast to those who are gay but not connected to or identified with the stereotypical subculture. No offense is intended.)

The difference, you stupid bastards, is that gay pride is a chosen way of life. Being a mutant is a quirk of genetics. There is nothing connecting mutants to each other any more than bald people are connected to each other. They may have support groups and wear T-shirts with funny bald jokes on them, but there is no inherent bald culture. There is no inherent gay culture. There is no inherent mutant culture. While I appreciate the dramatic uses of the competing ideologies (let's call it Magneto v. Xavier), no writer should ever have tried to create mutant pride as an exclusionary concept (i.e. Xavier's kids using Magneto's separatist doctrine). The concept of mutant culture is particularly ridiculous in a world where not everyone with extra-human abilities is a mutant.

And then came the de-powering of the mutants, leaving only 200 people (in the world? in the country? wtf?) with powers due to mutant genes. And then they began to be persecuted MORE. Again, not having read the books, I just can't understand how this is a logical storyline. With only 200 (give or take) people in question, they could all be rounded up by secret police in the middle of the night. The teams of really strong superheroes fight back against the secret police, at which point the secret police are like, "Okay, just don't go in there." The Powers That Be battle the mutants in private and turn public opinion against them. They don't use their political power and write laws that affect only 200 people. That's just idiotic.

And now, apparently, the mutants are so persecuted that they have decided to go and live on an island. I get that, sort of; they've been written into a corner and the Dork Avengers are not letting up anytime soon. To spare their allies the pain of guilt by association, they separate themselves entirely and plan to do their world-saving with a little extra travel time. JC lauded this as a chance to build that mutant culture they've been talking about since 2001. It's still pretty stupid; you can't tell me that you wouldn't be safer underground or in a series of secret bases than on an island where you could all be taken out by one well timed bomb.

But either way, 200 people isn't a culture, it's a commune. A group of people who have nothing more in common than the fact that they're been persecuted by the rest of the (country? world? after this many decades with X-teams saving people's asses, how is public opinion really anti-mutant?) are not a community. They haven't chosen to be together because of their common values, opinions, behaviors, or landscaping. They have been exiled to the island, a sort of Survivor in reverse, which does not a community make. The characters are following the story to it's logical conclusion, but it has no basis in the new themes of culture and community.

If this is meant to be a continuation of the gay pride parallel, it's the shittiest, most exclusionary treatment I've ever seen. No federal protections for gay employees? Go live on an island! Not allowed to marry your partner? Get married on the island! Having trouble adopting? Next stop, the island! F*%$ that s@&!, man. Just f*%$ it.

JC wondered if perhaps this was meant to be a reference to the founding of Israel after World War II. The difference there, of course, is that the Jews did have a common culture, obviously, and while they were being offered/commanded to live in this place, they could build on their extended families and strong religious beliefs to build their new life. The mutants, like the bald, have nothing in common beyond their DNA.

I don't plan to read how Fraction treats the x-commune (although if they turn out to be the Others, I will personally apologize for everything bad I ever said about Joe Quesada), but I'm sure JC and those like him who do read Uncanny X-Men are hoping for strong characterization and good dramatic arcs to make up for the utter absurdity of the past several years. It's about time.

- RD

a thousand times argh

I honestly wasn't going to do this, and then I put some meringues in the oven and had an hour to kill. So let's discuss the utter soul-destroying travesty that is Buffy Season 8 #28.

Andrew Hosts Masterpiece Theatre is derivative but still funny. My personal favorite was the broken heart visual aid, which made me go, "Aww!" in two different ways. The Faith/Buffy (I wish. Hee! Sorry) scene is very true to them both and says a lot about how far they've come, even since they moved from the screen to the page. Daddy!Oz is cute and inspirational, and I really liked his pep talk to Willow. The drug analogy got a little heavy-handed in the show, and I appreciate that they've backed off of that but can still play it as a convincing addiction.

I don't think anyone ever really thought Willow had anything to do with Twilight, even after the bit with Evil!Future!Willow, so the main plot of the story fell pretty flat. The lack of action made this feel more like fanfic than an episode of the show, which is disappointing after so many strong issues. And I love you, Georges, but I have to agree that the art is a bit *cough* sketchy.

And then. I mean. What the good goddamn was Jane Espenson THINKING?

The whole reason we love Joss is that his characters are real. Emotions take time to build, people make stupid decisions, they have variously logical and irrational leaps of mental health and stability, just like real, flawed, stupid, beautiful people. And above all, they don't fall in love instantly.

You can tell me all you want that they've been heading toward this, the tension and hints of whateverthehell angst and UST and blahblahblahvaguelyincestuouscakes. I totes didn't see it, though JC assures me the signs were there. But seriously? Think about Xander. His first girlfriend, a demon magnet, fell on a spike, and ow. His second girlfriend, an actual demon, was only just warming up to him again after he left her at the altar (for completely understandable and valid reasons, but that's an entirely different post about his issues) when she was killed in battle. His most recent girlfriend was also killed in battle, quite recently, in fact. What the heck - excuse me - what the FUCK about his dating history means that he's going to think it's okay to get involved AGAIN with a girl he has more than once made clear is like a sister to him? Mooning over Buffy? It's a little season 1, but she's proven to be near immortal, so of course he'd think she's safe. Macking on Dawn? Not in the least bit appropriate or reasonable. It's just not Xander, and it made me lose all faith in Jane Espenson.

Sure, it's somewhat believable for Dawn to cherish the remnants of her childish crush on Xander. It might even be expected that as she grows to adulthood, she would be able to mention it, to joke about it, and then to ignore and disregard it, because unless you're Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, that sort of thing just doesn't look good. (It doesn't look good on them, either, but they're rich and kookoopants so there's nothing we can do.) But it's too simplistic. It's a cop-out, an easy way to create more drama for the overall story arc. It turns the bad-ass Dawn we've come to love back into that whiny little brat who got in trouble once a week and wrote melodramatic diary entries. I mean yeah, we all did that, and then we turned 16 and got over ourselves. Dawn did too, and responsibility looked good on her. And now she's the little kid putting on Lip Smackers to impress her sister's cute guy friend, and he's the creep who is letting her.

I'm not really fussy about the age difference (what, five years? I've beat that by a factor of four) or even the fact that Xander is starting to look like the town bike. The kiss just isn't in character, and it ruins my whole feeling about this book. To be fair, I was mightily pissed when Dawn first showed up in season 5, so I'm going to keep reading and hope I'm proven wrong.

Plus, my damn meringues didn't set up. Too many pecans.

- RD

Edit: JC informed me that the plots are approved if not written by Joss himself, so of course I shouldn't put the blame entirely on Jane. The way I see it, if your name is next to the words "Written by," you are responsible for something this craptastic. I did say I'll keep reading; I've seen many a character arc work itself out in an unexpected way (Cordelia, Wesley, Dawn herself), so I'm fully prepared to recant my initial reaction. But I'm going to need a darn good reason.

for the record

EDIT - JC is a dork. He said it came out today, and I believed him. Let's pretend I wrote this on Sept. 22 instead, mkay? Thx. - RD

Runaways #14 comes out tomorrow, and I don't think I've looked forward to a comic this much since-- ever, actually. I don't usually pay attention to when comics are released. But it's my turn to lambaste Immonen and Pichelli for their continually wretched work on this once-great book, so I wanted to make a few predictions.


1. Someone will say something both entirely out of character and pointless. It will probably also be misleading, confusing, and possibly factually incorrect. The most likely candidate is Chase, discussing his parents or uncle. If Chase is completely glossed over, it will be Nico, angsting about something she probably already worked out back in, oh, Volume 1.


2. Klara will show no signs of a personality, nor will anyone discuss how she is feeling after having a beloved team pet die on her.


3. Nico and/or Karolina will not only still be wearing their ridiculous outfits, but they will stand in unnaturally and uncomfortably revealing poses.


4. Victor will be entirely ignored. Molly will have a few cute lines but ultimately be ignored as well.


5. Hunter Stein will either be a) not who he says he is, b) a deus ex douchebag who offers to solve all of the Runaways' problems, c) killed stupidly, or d) all of the above.


6. There will be precisely one amusing joke and four or five jokes that either don't make sense or just aren't funny.


7. The ending will be stupid.

And the more I think about it, the sadder these things make me. I recently read a few Official Comic Website reviews of this run, and I was so disappointed to see the reviewer praising some of the exact things JC and I have criticized. The guy said that he was glad to see the book "back on track" and implied that the writers since BKV have been lacking. (He also contradicts himself when discussing Pichelli's art, saying in the #12 review that Nico "seems to have swallowed some sort of Amazon growth hormone" but then mentions in #13 that "Nico and Karolina were a bit too masculine in their portrayals" in earlier issues. What?)

On reading those reviews, I nearly signed up for a profile on IGN.com just to tell the reviewer and everyone reading just how very WRONG he is, and then I remembered I'm only the 1/2 comic fan and commenting on a board might push me up to .65 which we'd have to round up and "Two Comic Fans" just isn't a catchy title. But then I thought a little harder about what this book means to me, what the kids mean and how they SHOULD be characterized. I tried to see the Immochelli run with the excitement I had for BKV, or even Joss (who I dig) or the zombie arc (which was weak but coherent and entertaining). And I just couldn't. As much as I want to like and praise this creative team, this team of women working with such rich characters, I can't see where they're coming from. What am I missing?

- RD

Runaways #13

Welcome to another exciting episode of Just How Badly Can They Screw Up RD's Favorite Comic?

With Runaways #13, Kathryn Immonen continues to bury some clever ideas under mounds of muddled dialogue and weak [and in some cases, conflicting - RD] characterization. Low points include:

1. Nico's spells: The witty phraseology of Nico's magic has long been a highlight of this series. Here, she casts three spells, and two of them were utterly wasted. "Crystal Light" made Klara's plants vanish, along with the debris of the house, but how? I didn't have the first clue what it was supposed to mean or accomplish. [All that came to mind was the nasty diet drink that comes in a powder that you add to your water so you can pretend you're being healthy when actually you're drinking cancer juice, but what does that have to do with mutant vines? - RD] "Mood ring" turned a cut on Hunter Stein's cheek into a lie detector (I think?), yet we never actually see Nico use that to test the man (more on that in a second). Kudos on "Abraham Lincoln" to create an instant log-cabin, though. THAT was good.

2. Klara: Remember how she was actually getting some page-time in the last two issues, even if most of that was a dubiously justified freak-out? Well, despite all the trouble she's caused, she gets exactly zero lines of dialogue here, and only one panel of any significance. She's calmed down, without any explanation. Apparently all it took was a sammich and a juice box. Oh kids, such simple creatures, no matter what century they're from.

[THIS was one of my biggest problems. Klara's freakout was such a huge deal in the first issue of this storyline - I thought FOR SURE we would get some major characterization and possibly some post-traumatic counseling for the poor girl. Turns out it was a momentary dramatic lapse in sanity and Karolina has taken care of it (because even with Nico back in take-charge mode, something as deep as an emotional breakdown is Just! Too! Much! for the "leader" to deal with, OMG don't even get me started on the utter shite Immonnen is doing to Nico's characterization and how badly I wanted to PUNCH HER FACE when she... okay, I'll stop). - RD]

3. Hunter Stein: So Chase is sure he accidentally killed his uncle, and insists the Runaways can't trust the man claiming to be Hunter Stein. Fine. So why doesn't anyone bother to follow this up, to ask Hunter point-blank about his "death"? Wouldn't that be the first thing you'd do in this situation? Instead, the Runaways ignore him - endangering themselves in the process - until they can put him to work. The plot is kept moving at the expense of any semblance of character logic, and it knocks me right out of the story. To make matters worse, Hunter devolves into a ridiculous plot bunny to reveal all the wondrous inventions hidden away in the Runaways' own home that the teens have heretofore failed to discover. Hunter goes so far as to accuse the Runaways of being the "least curious group of kids" he's ever seen. Exsqueeze me? We're talking about the kids who discovered their parents were super villains, dug up a whole bunch of said parents' hidden toys and magics, and used those tools to turn themselves into kick-a$$ superheroes. Is this writer seriously trying to tell me that these kids are lacking in imagination, just so her new character can become their spirit guide? Is she really trying to put a Magic Adult in the last comic that should ever need one?

4. Bard Reffrinse, Ur Doin It Wrong: Nico starts comparing Chase to Hamlet while accusing him of "uncle-cide", and Karolina replies, "But Hamlet doesn't actually kill his uncle, does he?" Umm, actually he did. With the stabbity stabbing. It may be said that I'm a little obsessed with my Shakespeare (teeny bit), so lines like this will bother me all out of proportion. If it was meant to suggest that the kids aren't all that classically educated (perhaps in keeping with the arc's title, "Homeschooling"), then that's a little too subtle for me. If the italics are meant to imply that Karolina is in fact referring to Chase rather than the original Hamlet (perhaps so Molly and Klara won't overhear the older girls discussing if their bud just ended a dude?), that too needs explication. Because otherwise I'm just gonna think somebody doesn't know their classic literature* and completely failed to GTS**.

There could be a fascinating plot fighting to get out here, there could even be some interesting takes on the characters, but Runaways is drowning in nonsensical, non-sequatorial characterizations and fuzzy dialogue. I'm just incredibly frustrated with this book right now.

[For the record, we could have gone on for pages about the total suckitude of this issue, but mostly I just want to say SERIOUSLY KATHRYN IMMONEN PLEASE STOP. YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS. IF YOU DO NOT SHAPE UP, I WILL STRIKE YOUR STORYLINE FROM THE RECORD. - RD]

- JC

* Which is fine. Not everyone's college degree is as awesome, useful, and lucrative as my B.A. in English Literature.
** And that's just sad.

Fantastic Four: Dark Reign #5

A few months ago I raved about the first issue of Jonathan Hickman's Fantastic Four: Dark Reign miniseries. I've kept quiet about the issues since, because I kept waiting for Hickman to pull a plot out of his hat and make good on that early promise. Instead, we got three issues of alternate reality silliness that went nowhere (doesn't Sue make a sexy gunslinger? Doesn't Sue make a bad-@$$ World War 2 commando? Oh look, it's the ever-so-merry Elizabethan FF*!), and now the series has wrapped with little more than a tease for Hickman's upcoming run on the regular Fantastic Four title.

Reed returns from his interdimensional jaunt. He lies to his wife about dismantling the machine that just endangered his family's lives. (How does the "smartest man" in the Marvel universe keep forgetting what a bonehead move that always is?) Norman Osborn backs off from the Baxter Building after the Richards' son Franklin shoots Norman in the shoulder with a pop-gun. How's that work? Never explained. And we get a glimpse of shadowy beings waiting between dimensions, promising to help Reed in his ambiguous quest to "solve everything." Which is also apparently the title of Hickman's first regular FF story.

Oh, and Reed has become convinced that the only thing that could have saved the world from the consequences of the Marvel's Civil War, Secret Invasion, etc. would have been if he had faced these problems alone. If he's wrong, it's hubris worthy of a Greek tragedy. Yet so far we've seen nothing to contradict Reed's supposition, and I'm more afraid that Hickman really does intend for Reed to be that unique. It's an utterly implausible conceit: in a multiverse of infinite** possibilities, we're to believe Reed Richards is the only man capable of saving the Earth from Skrulls and itself? Did Reed's Reality Bridge transport this series into the DC Universe by mistake?

Perhaps the story of the Bridge was doomed*** from the start. Perhaps the reason no one has explored alternate-reality problem solving in 40+ years of Fantastic comics is because there's no satisfying place for that story to go. Even if Reed discovers some great solution to the world's dilemmas, can we truly appreciate a resolution the hero never personally had to fight for? Or maybe this story has barely begun, and Hickman will wow us yet. But that still won't excuse these 4 out of 5 issues of FF: Dark Reign in which nothing really happened.

Marvel, please. If you've got a story that's at least passably self-contained, go ahead and make it a mini-series. If an arc is just the beginning of a longer epic, I'm cool with that too, just put it in the main title from the start. Is that so much to ask?

- JC

* No relation to 1602's Four from the Fantastick
**That word still means what I think it means, right?
**Not a pun, the Doc's not even in this story - unless his latest fiendish plot is just that cunning?

hey look at that! a post on the very day a comic came out!

SARA PICHELLI WHAT THE HELL.

Oh hi. I just read Runaways #12, titled "Homeschooling: Part Two - Functions and Relations." It made me sort of angry.

I'm not sure why Kathryn Immonen decided to vague things up at the beginning. Who is making this speech? I thought Karolina, JC thought Nico. Either way, it's a great emo introduction to the issue, but there's nothing to really tie it in. Is this meant to express the group's feelings about losing their home (again) and their friend (also again)? Or just explain why Karolina is so ridiculously thin (anorexia caused by test anxiety)?

The conversation between the teens is less hip but more stilted even than in the last issue. Maybe it's because I'm a Bendis girl (and JC writes the same way, with as many words per panel as humanly possible), but when a four-panel page includes two largely identical shots and one close-up with only 10-20 words per panel? Too slow. By the time Karolina responds to Victor, I've forgotten what he said or why she's making a snide (vaguely racist against Cyborg Americans) comment.

However, Molly busting out the BSG reference? Never not hilarious.

More troubling is the way the teens are acting towards each other. Though they've argued before, I can't recall an entire issue in which NOTHING HAPPENED. A few arcs ago, they were affected by Nico's Scatter spell, after which they realized that their strength as a team was in sticking together. Now, Klara has been randomly plot-bunnied into a completely unexpected mental breakdown (...seriously?) and the rest of them are fussing about what to do.

Look, Immonen. The point of the Runaways is that they've gotten past the normal teenage shit. Well, not the prom and the crushes and the not infrequent stupid decisions, but the indecisive irresponsibility. These kids have taken the weight on their shoulders because of their evil parents. They grew the fuck UP. I get that you want them to be carefree teens thrust into a world of pain and danger and high stakes, but they've been there and done that. They know that above all, they have to DEAL WITH IT.

[I think the opening monologue is more of the same, here. The blank page is Nico's metaphor for how she feels when she's trying to come up with a spell to fix whatever the team's gotten itself into now. It's the pressure she's under as both a leader and a literal miracle-worker, every time she has to step up to the plate. But while that's an interesting pressure to explore, like RD says, but the execution is just not Runaways. They are NOT freaking Hamlet. They act first and angst later. Runaways are dynamic by definition. - JC]

For that matter, why the hell has Nico suddenly decided to not be the leader? In the past, Karolina has been the nurturing earth mother flower child while Nico puts on her stompy boots and makes a plan. Apparently Nico forgot to wear her big girl panties (did she lose them along with the rest of her outfit and her fashion sense?) and is just cuddling Klara while the others bicker and stall until Chase's uncle shows up. I'm pretty stoked about that - JC says Chase mentioned that he murdered a carjacker during Vaughn's run - and the military guys are usually fun, so I'm not done reading yet.

And back to my first point, SARA PICHELLI WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON WITH THOSE SLUTTY FAIRIES. Are we supposed to assume that Nico generated them on purpose? Somewhere in her subconcious she thinks that fairies are wee, buxom, naked lasses? Aside from what that says about Nico's character, did YOU really think that the exaggerated proportions and maximum skin showing was absolutely necessary in this comic? I AM SO TIRED OF THAT.

And... I sort of hate to bring it up, because I'm not an artist so it's not like I could do it better, but I get the feeling that Chase's facial expression on the last page was meant to be very important. However, and this is a big however, I can't tell what the f#$% it's supposed to be. At first I thought it was a sneer, then I thought it was disgust, then I thought maybe Chase smelled something nasty or he had to pee really badly. Maybe next time just go for "stone faced" if you can't pick out a clear expression.

Enough from me. I'm going to go take the cat for a walk.

- RD

Angel #19

The now subtitle-less Angel is a more uneven title than the uber-arc that was Angel: After the Fall. New writer Kelley Armstrong picks up the characters and the City of Angel more or less where Brian Lynch left off - been to Hell, got the t-shirt, can we go back to helping the hopeless now, plz? - but it misses Lynch's fast-paced snark. I'm still interested in seeing how the characters and relationships continue to develop, particularly the happier dynamic finally earned between Angel and Connor, and it's great seeing Kate Lockley back in a new role, but the series doesn't have the same sharp, perfectly Jossian edge it once did.

I have much love and respect for comic book artists, but as a writer I look first at a book's script; that's what I feel most qualified to analyze. Even so, I'm not sure what to make of this art by Dave Ross. His basic style is straightforward and more or less realistic. His likenesses of the TV characters aren't particularly accurate or evocative, but I'm less concerned that Angel doesn't look like David Boreanaz than I am by how often he and other characters appear constipated. There are some very odd expressions on faces in this book, particularly during action scenes, and strange postures and camera angles.

A bigger problem has to do with visual pacing and panel layout. I'm a big fan of Scott McCloud's work, particularly Understanding Comics, and the theories he describes about how the essence of comic book storytelling lies in the space between the panels, the way in which the reader is left to fill in for themselves just how the character got from panel A to panel B. But there are places in Angel #19 where I really felt a panel or a key image was missing.

Case in point: Angel is surprised by a mysterious woman in his bedroom. They fight, then the woman ends up lounging across his headboard while they make with the yak-yak A threat is made. Angel, in a close-up, says, "You can't even catch--" and in the next panel, we see the woman suddenly standing right in front of him. The implication here is that the woman made a cheetah-fast leap from the headboard to the floor before Angel could see her coming. But the way the action was presented here, with a panel of close-up on Angel's face between the woman lounging on the headboard and the woman right there in front of him, it took me a second to work the action out. Since we couldn't see what the woman was doing during the close-up on Angel, how did we know she hadn't begun to move while he was speaking? The layout here muddled the action, and took me out of the story for several moments while I reconstructed what was meant to have happened.

A weak script will distract me from a good comic faster than anything, but the combination of a weak script and confusing art make it difficult for me to enjoy myself. Here's hoping the work evens out some over the next few issues.

- JC

Secret Warriors #1

Brian Michael Bendis and Jonathan Hickman's new series Secret Warriors was advertised with the promise of "a secret that will break the internet [sic] into tiny little pieces." (via) As it turns out, the secret has a lot of possibilities for a superhero/spy comic book, but the execution is a little shaky at this point.

The story is told in a non-linear format, but basically Nick Fury, the former head of S.H.I.E.L.D, goes back to an old secret base and hacks a computer to find out that H.Y.D.R.A, long-time enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D, has apparently infiltrated and may secretly have been running S.H.I.E.L.D before it disbanded. And now H.Y.D.R.A. may be running H.A.M.M.E.R, which replaced S.H.I.E.L.D and is under control of the U.S. government. (I'm going to stop typing the dots in the acronyms now, because I feel stupid. - RD)

My question: why is Nick Fury just finding out about this now? If all he needed to access the secret database in the secret SHIELD base was his secret username and secret password, as badass and super-spy as he's supposed to be, why doesn't he know all this until after the fact? SHIELD doesn't even exist anymore. Fury's final line of the comic, "I've been working for the bad guys the whole time," is a nice cliffhanger, but unless they can give me a good reason why he didn't have access to the database, or how the HYDRA involvement was hidden even from the head of the organization, I don't buy it.

Later, Nick Fury breaks into the White House to talk with the President - presumably Obama, but kept in shadow throughout - to tell him all about these old SHIELD bases and the information and/or technology still in them. Fury then rejoins his spy kids and tells them to stake out one of the old bases. HYDRA agents are expected to appear and do their best to collect intel from the base. If HAMMER shows up, Fury says, it's proof that the administration is on the up-and-up, without HYDRA control.

I don't follow this logic. Double bluffs happen all the time in spy world. Nick Fury should expect them with his morning coffee. The President could easily send HAMMER agents as well as or in place of HYDRA agents, if in fact both agencies are run by the same people. It would actually be easier to send HAMMER in whether the good guys are corrupt or not. HAMMER has been reacquiring SHIELD technology since they took over, so they would cause far less comment if they simply moved in and set up shop. The presence of both organizations means nothing; the President, knowing that Nick Fury informed him of the SHIELD base for a reason, would assume that Fury would be watching him and send HAMMER agents regardless of HYDRA's involvement. This is Espionage 101, and I just can't believe that Fury hasn't already thought this through.

I'd like to see where it goes, and I expect a lot from this writing team. In the future, I hope the story explains itself a little better.

- JC

X-Men: The Complete Onslaught Epic

Marvel recently published a four-volume graphic novel set of the massive 1990s Onslaught Epic (Scott Lobdell & Mark Waid, various), and there's a really cool idea there, buried under everything that can go wrong with a crossover.

The basic germ of it all is the idea that Professor X's pent up frustration (caused by human bigotry and furthured by mutant stupidity that made the situation worse) actually creates a psychic entity. Onslaught, as it is called, is a powerful being who tries to take every dark thought Xavier has ever had and go conqure the world with them.

For complicated plot reasons, there are elements of Magneto in Onslaught. The idea was that Xavier used his abilities to shut down Magneto's mind after some of the villain's crazier antics, during which a dark part of Magneto's psyche was absorbed into Xavier's mind. It was this act of crossing the line and controlling his friend's thoughts that brought Onslaught into being. This is one of the ways in which a really interesting idea begins to fall apart; Xavier didn't need a part of Magneto to have his own dark side - the story is stronger if Onslaught is born purely of Prof. X's own frustrations.

Side note: it's also interesting that current X-comics have no problem showing that Xavier is no saint; practically every storyline is revealing some horrible secret he's kept from the X-Men. But back in the '90s if a writer wanted to make an evil being come out of Professor X, they had to get Magneto into his head first. Visually, Magneto's dark taint on Xavier's psyche was represented as a little demon on the psychic plane. Now that's just overkill.

The real problem is that once Onslaught arrives and begins his takeover of the Marvel Universe, the story becomes a really generic crossover. For some poorly developed reasons, Onslaught unleashes Sentinals across the Marvel world, and the middle two volumes of the epic - which doesn't include every issue of the storyline, just those that the compilers thought were important - is full of Marvel characters randomly fighting Sentinals. Spider-Man fights them. Hulk fights them. The heroic Green Goblin, who didn't even last very long, fights them as well. The Fantastic Four fight them. And then someone got the brilliant idea to turn the storyline into a launching pad for another convoluted plotline called Heroes Reborn.

What should have been a story about the X-Men and the frustration of their founder and Xavier's dream falling apart became a story about every hero ever bravely sacrificing himself in a lot of sound and fury. All so Marvel could temporarily reboot all the Avengers and Fantastic Four comics and have really popular artists draw new versions of the characters' origins.

I doubt that's what the Onslaught story was initially meant to be. The final volume in the epic has pages from the story pitch that outlined Onslaught's motivation and plan, and it bears little resemblance to the current story. Originally, the dark entity's goal was to force the entire human race into one giant telepathic hive mind, which would not only destroy free will but also original thought. I suspect some editor saw that as too convoluted. Instead Onslaught decides that humans have no right to live for the way they've treated mutants, and mutants have no right to live for failing to stand up for themselves. Onslaught becomes a bog-standard nihilist, which is simply boring. I prefer villains who have motivation, not those who are simply destrutctive because they're insane.

I would love to see an Ultimate version of this storyline that's closer to the original, with Xavier's frustration at small-mindedness and intolerance becoming a force that the X-Men have to fight. The idea that the world's most powerful psychic, no matter how benevolent he seems, must have within him the temptation to force everyone to think as he does still seems very much worth exploring.

All that said, it was great hanging out with the '90s X-Men for a bit. I miss that family dynamic. These days they're all so mired in angst all the time, and we rarely get to see them just goofing off as friends do, getting Beast stuck in the bathtub or making the pancakes go ka-blooey.

- JC

Wolverine & the X-Men: Hindsight Part 1

Wolverine is the Gary Stu of the Marvel U. Everyone knows this. It's rare to see a month go by that he's not starring in at least 10 different comics. It's almost equally rare to see a month where some comic book writer isn't cracking this joke: "Gee, Logan, how do you find time to be an X-Men, an Avenger, run 3-4 solo ops, hang out with the Power Pack kiddies, kill folk with X-Force, and get your photo taken drinking milk (it does a body good)?"

The ridiculousness of Wolverine's situation was probably exacerbated by the X-Men films. I loved the first two as much as most comic fans, but they were never really about the X-Men as a team. They reinforced the idea that Logan was the only mutant really worth anyone's interest, both in the public consciousness and almost certainly in the eyes of Marvel marketing. They were, as a friend of mine pointed out, "Wolverine & Friends!"

And now we have a new animated series with almost that very title, that manages to take the Merry Marvel Marching Mary Sue to new depths. The show opens with Wolverine about to leave the X-Mansion for a sweet jaunt on his motorbike. On his way out the door he:

a) thoroughly trounces Shadowcat, Colossus, and Nightcrawler in the Danger Room - actually, from the Danger Room control room.

b) passes by Cyclops and Jean Grey, who just happen to be having an argument about him. (This is also poor Jean's only line of dialogue, before the mysterious explosion that causes Jean and Professor X to vanish so that Cyclops can become the brooding loner and Wolverine can become the one man who can put the band back together.)

c) has a heart-to-heart with Rogue so she can tell him, "It's not a home when you're not around!"

Then we cut to one year later, so we can watch Wolverine save an adorable big-eyed little mixed-race child and her kindly parents from a fire, and then from the government-sponsored mutantphobe soldiers who want to lock them up for thinking he might be all right, razors in his hands or not. Beast tags along in a purely sidekick capacity.

This isn't X-Men. It's Everybody Loves Logan.

I fell in love with the X-Men because of their family dynamic, because they were a group of fascinating people who came together to share their strengths and their troubles and make each other and the world better. Watching them all follow Wolverine around because only he has the hearts, the brains, and the courage to lead them down the yellow spandex road is just not that interesting to me. It's a little nauseating.

- JC