a post that requires a new joe quesada tag

I do not read any comics with X-Men in the title. I have not read House of M, any of the Decimation stories, anything by Grant Morrison, or Matt Fraction's latest offering, Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: The Exodus, which JC just reviewed. I like Matt Fraction. I don't blame him in the slightest for doing the best he could with the X-dross that he has been given by years of mismanagement. I blame Joe Quesada. However, this concept of putting the remaining 200 mutants on an island is either the worse metaphor in history or just a really stupid plot development.

JC says the mutants have been talking about their culture since before House of M, and it's been seen as a metaphor for any "minority" (usually gay but sometimes any generic non-privileged) "culture" (that is, the stereotypical behaviors or markers collectively identified by the privileged [or, more accurately, the media] and used when talking about/reporting on the minority in question). (To save time and abuse of quotation marks, I'm going to use the term "gay pride" for people who have chosen to identify themselves and act in ways that have become stereotypical. This is in contrast to those who are gay but not connected to or identified with the stereotypical subculture. No offense is intended.)

The difference, you stupid bastards, is that gay pride is a chosen way of life. Being a mutant is a quirk of genetics. There is nothing connecting mutants to each other any more than bald people are connected to each other. They may have support groups and wear T-shirts with funny bald jokes on them, but there is no inherent bald culture. There is no inherent gay culture. There is no inherent mutant culture. While I appreciate the dramatic uses of the competing ideologies (let's call it Magneto v. Xavier), no writer should ever have tried to create mutant pride as an exclusionary concept (i.e. Xavier's kids using Magneto's separatist doctrine). The concept of mutant culture is particularly ridiculous in a world where not everyone with extra-human abilities is a mutant.

And then came the de-powering of the mutants, leaving only 200 people (in the world? in the country? wtf?) with powers due to mutant genes. And then they began to be persecuted MORE. Again, not having read the books, I just can't understand how this is a logical storyline. With only 200 (give or take) people in question, they could all be rounded up by secret police in the middle of the night. The teams of really strong superheroes fight back against the secret police, at which point the secret police are like, "Okay, just don't go in there." The Powers That Be battle the mutants in private and turn public opinion against them. They don't use their political power and write laws that affect only 200 people. That's just idiotic.

And now, apparently, the mutants are so persecuted that they have decided to go and live on an island. I get that, sort of; they've been written into a corner and the Dork Avengers are not letting up anytime soon. To spare their allies the pain of guilt by association, they separate themselves entirely and plan to do their world-saving with a little extra travel time. JC lauded this as a chance to build that mutant culture they've been talking about since 2001. It's still pretty stupid; you can't tell me that you wouldn't be safer underground or in a series of secret bases than on an island where you could all be taken out by one well timed bomb.

But either way, 200 people isn't a culture, it's a commune. A group of people who have nothing more in common than the fact that they're been persecuted by the rest of the (country? world? after this many decades with X-teams saving people's asses, how is public opinion really anti-mutant?) are not a community. They haven't chosen to be together because of their common values, opinions, behaviors, or landscaping. They have been exiled to the island, a sort of Survivor in reverse, which does not a community make. The characters are following the story to it's logical conclusion, but it has no basis in the new themes of culture and community.

If this is meant to be a continuation of the gay pride parallel, it's the shittiest, most exclusionary treatment I've ever seen. No federal protections for gay employees? Go live on an island! Not allowed to marry your partner? Get married on the island! Having trouble adopting? Next stop, the island! F*%$ that s@&!, man. Just f*%$ it.

JC wondered if perhaps this was meant to be a reference to the founding of Israel after World War II. The difference there, of course, is that the Jews did have a common culture, obviously, and while they were being offered/commanded to live in this place, they could build on their extended families and strong religious beliefs to build their new life. The mutants, like the bald, have nothing in common beyond their DNA.

I don't plan to read how Fraction treats the x-commune (although if they turn out to be the Others, I will personally apologize for everything bad I ever said about Joe Quesada), but I'm sure JC and those like him who do read Uncanny X-Men are hoping for strong characterization and good dramatic arcs to make up for the utter absurdity of the past several years. It's about time.

- RD

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Exodus

The Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Exodus one-shot (Matt Fraction) establishes yet another new status quo for Marvel's x-tended mutant family, and it might just bring the X-Men's mission statement back into focus in the process.

For years, the X-Men fought to make the world recognize that no matter if you're black, white, blue, have gills, or shoot lasers from your eyes, we're all just people. It was Magneto who tried to divide "homo superior" from the "flatscans," until Grant Morrison's team in New X-Men started using that derogatory term as well, and teaching their students that mutants don't act or think or learn like humans.

Say what?

I get the intended metaphor about cultural/orientation pride, that in the modern age we need not assimilate and act like the majority so that our voices can be heard. The problem is, it doesn't work for the X-Men. There are subsets of mutants who have shared common experiences and developed their own unique cultural identities: Xavier alumni, Morlocks, the Brotherhood, etc. But outside of a small handful of telepaths, why should mutants think or learn differently from anyone else?

The X-Men's core metaphor seemed even more muddled in the Decimation that followed House of M, as the mutant population was severely reduced and rebranded as "endangered."* Aside from a few genetic markers, how are mutants a species? What is the "mutant culture" that they fear is now doomed to die out? With all this focus on survival, a series that had been a provocative exploration of issues of race and identity suddenly and strangely seemed to be more about life in our uncertain age of global terror. Not an unworthy metaphor in its own right, but I wasn't sure it had much to do with the X-Men.

Yet Matt Fraction may just be pulling it all together again. In the wake of proposed anti-mutant legislation, riots, and the imposition of martial law in their city by Norman Osborn, Cyclops has officially divorced the X-Men from the United States altogether. He's established a new mutant sanctuary on an island off the coast of California and issued a statement of intent to the world: here the X-Men will stay, with any and all mutants and their families who will join them.

"We have been, and always shall be, sworn to protect a world that hates and fears us. Only now... we shall all be free."

The idea of an emancipated mutant homeland is not quite new; in the late '90s, Magneto bullied the world into allowing him to run Genosha as his own mutant kingdom. And of course Norman Osborn immediately tries to paint Cyclops' new "Utopia" in the same light, as a militant state of crazy people. But this isn't a former terrorist running a mutant dictatorship, it's the X-Men, trying to save the world like they've always done without any government legislation or angry mob around this time to interfere with how they live at home and off duty.

The idea of the X-Men and their fellow mutants building a new nation seems far more in keeping with the series' base metaphor than the "there are only a few of us left, we can't make powered babies no more, and crazies want to kill us all off" schtick of the last few years. (It's Star Trek IV, and the X-Men are the whales?) Can one small band simultaneously serve as superheroes and Founding Parents? It's going to be fascinating to find out. And in the process, the X-Men might just be inventing that distinct mutant culture they've been so emo about saving from extinction ever since the Decimation.

The sequencing's a little off, sure, but I'm willing to forgive that.

- JC

*Let's not even talk about the fact that Joe Quesada supposedly encouraged the decimation because there were too many mutant characters in the Marvel U, yet only a small fraction of the dozens of current and former X-Men actually lost their powers. And a few of those joined new teams anyway. Huzzawah?

a thousand times argh

I honestly wasn't going to do this, and then I put some meringues in the oven and had an hour to kill. So let's discuss the utter soul-destroying travesty that is Buffy Season 8 #28.

Andrew Hosts Masterpiece Theatre is derivative but still funny. My personal favorite was the broken heart visual aid, which made me go, "Aww!" in two different ways. The Faith/Buffy (I wish. Hee! Sorry) scene is very true to them both and says a lot about how far they've come, even since they moved from the screen to the page. Daddy!Oz is cute and inspirational, and I really liked his pep talk to Willow. The drug analogy got a little heavy-handed in the show, and I appreciate that they've backed off of that but can still play it as a convincing addiction.

I don't think anyone ever really thought Willow had anything to do with Twilight, even after the bit with Evil!Future!Willow, so the main plot of the story fell pretty flat. The lack of action made this feel more like fanfic than an episode of the show, which is disappointing after so many strong issues. And I love you, Georges, but I have to agree that the art is a bit *cough* sketchy.

And then. I mean. What the good goddamn was Jane Espenson THINKING?

The whole reason we love Joss is that his characters are real. Emotions take time to build, people make stupid decisions, they have variously logical and irrational leaps of mental health and stability, just like real, flawed, stupid, beautiful people. And above all, they don't fall in love instantly.

You can tell me all you want that they've been heading toward this, the tension and hints of whateverthehell angst and UST and blahblahblahvaguelyincestuouscakes. I totes didn't see it, though JC assures me the signs were there. But seriously? Think about Xander. His first girlfriend, a demon magnet, fell on a spike, and ow. His second girlfriend, an actual demon, was only just warming up to him again after he left her at the altar (for completely understandable and valid reasons, but that's an entirely different post about his issues) when she was killed in battle. His most recent girlfriend was also killed in battle, quite recently, in fact. What the heck - excuse me - what the FUCK about his dating history means that he's going to think it's okay to get involved AGAIN with a girl he has more than once made clear is like a sister to him? Mooning over Buffy? It's a little season 1, but she's proven to be near immortal, so of course he'd think she's safe. Macking on Dawn? Not in the least bit appropriate or reasonable. It's just not Xander, and it made me lose all faith in Jane Espenson.

Sure, it's somewhat believable for Dawn to cherish the remnants of her childish crush on Xander. It might even be expected that as she grows to adulthood, she would be able to mention it, to joke about it, and then to ignore and disregard it, because unless you're Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, that sort of thing just doesn't look good. (It doesn't look good on them, either, but they're rich and kookoopants so there's nothing we can do.) But it's too simplistic. It's a cop-out, an easy way to create more drama for the overall story arc. It turns the bad-ass Dawn we've come to love back into that whiny little brat who got in trouble once a week and wrote melodramatic diary entries. I mean yeah, we all did that, and then we turned 16 and got over ourselves. Dawn did too, and responsibility looked good on her. And now she's the little kid putting on Lip Smackers to impress her sister's cute guy friend, and he's the creep who is letting her.

I'm not really fussy about the age difference (what, five years? I've beat that by a factor of four) or even the fact that Xander is starting to look like the town bike. The kiss just isn't in character, and it ruins my whole feeling about this book. To be fair, I was mightily pissed when Dawn first showed up in season 5, so I'm going to keep reading and hope I'm proven wrong.

Plus, my damn meringues didn't set up. Too many pecans.

- RD

Edit: JC informed me that the plots are approved if not written by Joss himself, so of course I shouldn't put the blame entirely on Jane. The way I see it, if your name is next to the words "Written by," you are responsible for something this craptastic. I did say I'll keep reading; I've seen many a character arc work itself out in an unexpected way (Cordelia, Wesley, Dawn herself), so I'm fully prepared to recant my initial reaction. But I'm going to need a darn good reason.

Agents of Atlas #10

Agents of Atlas #10 (Jeff Parker) took me longer to read than any other comic this month, and I loved it.

We've got goddesses with copyright complaints, an examination of the last 80 years in Killer Robot development, the rights of workers in evil empires, a history of men and dragons as enemies and allies, and a man trying to cope with the fact that the girlfriend he saw just last year (from his out-of-time perspective) has actually had a half-century to get her evil on.

By virtue of its wacky cast, Atlas has never been like any other Marvel book, but these days that uniqueness is extending to format as well. The latest issue is divided into chapters, each new scene arriving with its own title heading. It's also quite dialogue-heavy, with 2-3 times more words per page than your typical comic. Yet not a word goes to waste, as various characters and subplots are developed, laying the groundwork for future storylines even as they advance the current "Terror of the Jade Claw" arc.

It's a little more demanding read than most comics, and maybe that's not to everyone's taste. Word on the street (and by the street I mean the interwebs) is the Agents are swimming in the low-selling/critically-acclaimed end of the Marvel pool these days. Perhaps their upcoming throwdown with the X-Men or their shiny-new-extra-filled-Dark-Reign-tie-in hardcover will help inspire new readers to give Atlas a chance and see the incredible story-value they're getting for their bucks. I dunno.

What I do know is that month by month, Parker is creating a whole new world and fitting it seamlessly into the nooks and crannies of the Marvel we know. I'll gladly devote some extra reading time to these Agents for many, many moons to come.

- JC

should we call it Marvney? or Disnel?

No one knows just how the Marvel-Disney merger (we're calling it that rather than "assimilation") will change our beloved comics, but we've got a few guesses. Here are the top ten:

10. Tony Stark reveals to Jack Sparrow where all the rum has gone.

9. MAX unveils Who Punished Roger Rabbit?, a charming buddy comedy in which Frank Castle's new partner teaches him to kill 'em with kindness.

8. Casual Friday introduced to Marvel bullpen so the editors can leave off the mouse ears once a week.

7. Scrooge McDuck goes swimming in Norman Osborn's money.

6. The official battle cry becomes, "A-V-E-N-G-E-R-S A-S-S-E-M-B-L-E."

5. Spokespeople deny rumors that Stan Lee has been cryogenically frozen. Mr. Lee is unavailable for comment.

4. New animatronic children in the "It's a Small World After All" feature fur, steel skin, and telekinesis.

3. Rictor and Shatterstar are introduced to Exodus International.

2. Tobey Maguire is replaced with Zac Efron in Spider-Man 4. Critics rave.

1. Wolverine becomes a member of Goof Troop, Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers, and the Disney Princesses

- JC & RD

[Yes, we know Sony still owns the rights to Spider-Man, but we like Zac Efron. Shutup. - RD]

[JC adds, "Tell them he was in Firefly!" - RD]

for the record

EDIT - JC is a dork. He said it came out today, and I believed him. Let's pretend I wrote this on Sept. 22 instead, mkay? Thx. - RD

Runaways #14 comes out tomorrow, and I don't think I've looked forward to a comic this much since-- ever, actually. I don't usually pay attention to when comics are released. But it's my turn to lambaste Immonen and Pichelli for their continually wretched work on this once-great book, so I wanted to make a few predictions.


1. Someone will say something both entirely out of character and pointless. It will probably also be misleading, confusing, and possibly factually incorrect. The most likely candidate is Chase, discussing his parents or uncle. If Chase is completely glossed over, it will be Nico, angsting about something she probably already worked out back in, oh, Volume 1.


2. Klara will show no signs of a personality, nor will anyone discuss how she is feeling after having a beloved team pet die on her.


3. Nico and/or Karolina will not only still be wearing their ridiculous outfits, but they will stand in unnaturally and uncomfortably revealing poses.


4. Victor will be entirely ignored. Molly will have a few cute lines but ultimately be ignored as well.


5. Hunter Stein will either be a) not who he says he is, b) a deus ex douchebag who offers to solve all of the Runaways' problems, c) killed stupidly, or d) all of the above.


6. There will be precisely one amusing joke and four or five jokes that either don't make sense or just aren't funny.


7. The ending will be stupid.

And the more I think about it, the sadder these things make me. I recently read a few Official Comic Website reviews of this run, and I was so disappointed to see the reviewer praising some of the exact things JC and I have criticized. The guy said that he was glad to see the book "back on track" and implied that the writers since BKV have been lacking. (He also contradicts himself when discussing Pichelli's art, saying in the #12 review that Nico "seems to have swallowed some sort of Amazon growth hormone" but then mentions in #13 that "Nico and Karolina were a bit too masculine in their portrayals" in earlier issues. What?)

On reading those reviews, I nearly signed up for a profile on IGN.com just to tell the reviewer and everyone reading just how very WRONG he is, and then I remembered I'm only the 1/2 comic fan and commenting on a board might push me up to .65 which we'd have to round up and "Two Comic Fans" just isn't a catchy title. But then I thought a little harder about what this book means to me, what the kids mean and how they SHOULD be characterized. I tried to see the Immochelli run with the excitement I had for BKV, or even Joss (who I dig) or the zombie arc (which was weak but coherent and entertaining). And I just couldn't. As much as I want to like and praise this creative team, this team of women working with such rich characters, I can't see where they're coming from. What am I missing?

- RD

Runaways #13

Welcome to another exciting episode of Just How Badly Can They Screw Up RD's Favorite Comic?

With Runaways #13, Kathryn Immonen continues to bury some clever ideas under mounds of muddled dialogue and weak [and in some cases, conflicting - RD] characterization. Low points include:

1. Nico's spells: The witty phraseology of Nico's magic has long been a highlight of this series. Here, she casts three spells, and two of them were utterly wasted. "Crystal Light" made Klara's plants vanish, along with the debris of the house, but how? I didn't have the first clue what it was supposed to mean or accomplish. [All that came to mind was the nasty diet drink that comes in a powder that you add to your water so you can pretend you're being healthy when actually you're drinking cancer juice, but what does that have to do with mutant vines? - RD] "Mood ring" turned a cut on Hunter Stein's cheek into a lie detector (I think?), yet we never actually see Nico use that to test the man (more on that in a second). Kudos on "Abraham Lincoln" to create an instant log-cabin, though. THAT was good.

2. Klara: Remember how she was actually getting some page-time in the last two issues, even if most of that was a dubiously justified freak-out? Well, despite all the trouble she's caused, she gets exactly zero lines of dialogue here, and only one panel of any significance. She's calmed down, without any explanation. Apparently all it took was a sammich and a juice box. Oh kids, such simple creatures, no matter what century they're from.

[THIS was one of my biggest problems. Klara's freakout was such a huge deal in the first issue of this storyline - I thought FOR SURE we would get some major characterization and possibly some post-traumatic counseling for the poor girl. Turns out it was a momentary dramatic lapse in sanity and Karolina has taken care of it (because even with Nico back in take-charge mode, something as deep as an emotional breakdown is Just! Too! Much! for the "leader" to deal with, OMG don't even get me started on the utter shite Immonnen is doing to Nico's characterization and how badly I wanted to PUNCH HER FACE when she... okay, I'll stop). - RD]

3. Hunter Stein: So Chase is sure he accidentally killed his uncle, and insists the Runaways can't trust the man claiming to be Hunter Stein. Fine. So why doesn't anyone bother to follow this up, to ask Hunter point-blank about his "death"? Wouldn't that be the first thing you'd do in this situation? Instead, the Runaways ignore him - endangering themselves in the process - until they can put him to work. The plot is kept moving at the expense of any semblance of character logic, and it knocks me right out of the story. To make matters worse, Hunter devolves into a ridiculous plot bunny to reveal all the wondrous inventions hidden away in the Runaways' own home that the teens have heretofore failed to discover. Hunter goes so far as to accuse the Runaways of being the "least curious group of kids" he's ever seen. Exsqueeze me? We're talking about the kids who discovered their parents were super villains, dug up a whole bunch of said parents' hidden toys and magics, and used those tools to turn themselves into kick-a$$ superheroes. Is this writer seriously trying to tell me that these kids are lacking in imagination, just so her new character can become their spirit guide? Is she really trying to put a Magic Adult in the last comic that should ever need one?

4. Bard Reffrinse, Ur Doin It Wrong: Nico starts comparing Chase to Hamlet while accusing him of "uncle-cide", and Karolina replies, "But Hamlet doesn't actually kill his uncle, does he?" Umm, actually he did. With the stabbity stabbing. It may be said that I'm a little obsessed with my Shakespeare (teeny bit), so lines like this will bother me all out of proportion. If it was meant to suggest that the kids aren't all that classically educated (perhaps in keeping with the arc's title, "Homeschooling"), then that's a little too subtle for me. If the italics are meant to imply that Karolina is in fact referring to Chase rather than the original Hamlet (perhaps so Molly and Klara won't overhear the older girls discussing if their bud just ended a dude?), that too needs explication. Because otherwise I'm just gonna think somebody doesn't know their classic literature* and completely failed to GTS**.

There could be a fascinating plot fighting to get out here, there could even be some interesting takes on the characters, but Runaways is drowning in nonsensical, non-sequatorial characterizations and fuzzy dialogue. I'm just incredibly frustrated with this book right now.

[For the record, we could have gone on for pages about the total suckitude of this issue, but mostly I just want to say SERIOUSLY KATHRYN IMMONEN PLEASE STOP. YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS. IF YOU DO NOT SHAPE UP, I WILL STRIKE YOUR STORYLINE FROM THE RECORD. - RD]

- JC

* Which is fine. Not everyone's college degree is as awesome, useful, and lucrative as my B.A. in English Literature.
** And that's just sad.

Spider-Man and the Human Torch

Spider-Man and the Human Torch collects Dan Slott's five part miniseries from 2005, with five separate stories of team-ups between the webhead and the hothead. It chronicles the evolution of a friendship through the years - from the squabbling teens of the 1960s to something close to brothers in the pre-reboot 2000s. Each issue evokes a different era of Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four, marked by changes in their supporting casts, yet the tone rarely strays from pure wacky fun. With one impressive exception.

The collection includes the most poignant tale you will ever read about the most useless super-conveyance in the annals of comicdom: The Spider-Mobile. The real story of why a guy who can swing from a web with the greatest of ease needs a frickin' car is seriously and unexpectedly beautiful, and worth the price of the book all on its own.

Equally worthy of a shout-out is the tome's final issue, a little too talky to be succinctly summarized here, but a great summation of the contrast and the bond between the two titular heroes. From a 2009 standpoint, it serves to reinforce the tragedy of Spider-Man's "Brand New Day" reboot. Not only has Spider-Man lost the life he'd built with Mary Jane (a life that made him the envy of rockstar superhero Johnny Storm), but in forcing the world to forget his secret identity, he's diminished some fantastic friendships (pun intended).

Some may think Spider-Man works best as a tragic loner, but I don't buy it. He's worked hard to forge these relationships, through 40+ years of funny books, and he deserves to enjoy them in full.

And if that weren't enough, Slott even finds a way to incorporate these classic Hostess ads into canon. If that ain't great comics, then I don't know what is.

- JC

Uncanny X-Men First Class #2

In Uncanny X-Men First Class #2 (Scott Gray) Nightcrawler's Exciting Adventure With the Inhumans comes to a promising if not 100% satisfying conclusion.

Here, Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner) is put on trial for his interference with the Terrigenesis ritual, whereby human-like Inhuman children are physically mutated and granted super-powers. He makes an impassioned argument that the children are "perfect from birth," and it is wrong for their elders to enforce mutation on them at such an early age. He goes so far as to evoke "another society" with a genetic superiority/inferiority complex--but I'll allow both Nightcrawler and Scott Gray a pass on Godwin's Law as the former is himself German. It's logical, and perhaps even important, for the spectre of Nazism to haunt a German mutant. (And suddenly I'm wondering if anyone ever wrote a scene wherein Nightcrawler and Magneto get into an intense debate/discussion about WWII Germany. I find it hard to imagine Chris Claremont missing out on that idea, but I'm not sure I've yet come across it myself.)

"I know your traditions span centuries," Nightcrawler says, summing up his case, "But a healthy society should always have the capacity for change... I find it tragic that, in a culture where no two beings are alike, you should demand such conformity."

It's a wonderfully eloquent argument, and a bit of a pleasant surprise. After Nightcrawler's swashbuckling antics last issue, I was afraid his very good questions about the Inhuman lifestyle would be brushed aside--that pat statements would be made about judging other people's cultures from the outside, and Kurt would end up apologizing for running off half-cocked. I was glad to see him given his dignity instead, and his arguments given some weight.

If only some. Inevitably the other X-Men show up in Attilan, Nightcrawler's trial is cut short, and a big honking mutant vs. Inhuman fight ensues. In the middle of this, Nightcrawler is confronted by the Inhuman Karnak, who says he was never subjected to the Terrigen mists, and assures Kurt that he is no less valued by his people because of this fact. This may be the start of a decent rebuttal to Kurt's concerns, but sadly the argument never gets pursued any further.

Then again, perhaps the beginnings of a great debate are the most that can be asked of a title set in the Marvel universe's past. Props to Mr. Gray for getting these questions out there, and here's hoping that future writers of the Inhumans pick up that gauntlet.

I'd still like to see more jokes and wacky banter in Uncanny First Class, though. (As much as I've enjoyed the Wolverine-kicked-over-the-horizon gag.)

- JC

Fantastic Four: Dark Reign #5

A few months ago I raved about the first issue of Jonathan Hickman's Fantastic Four: Dark Reign miniseries. I've kept quiet about the issues since, because I kept waiting for Hickman to pull a plot out of his hat and make good on that early promise. Instead, we got three issues of alternate reality silliness that went nowhere (doesn't Sue make a sexy gunslinger? Doesn't Sue make a bad-@$$ World War 2 commando? Oh look, it's the ever-so-merry Elizabethan FF*!), and now the series has wrapped with little more than a tease for Hickman's upcoming run on the regular Fantastic Four title.

Reed returns from his interdimensional jaunt. He lies to his wife about dismantling the machine that just endangered his family's lives. (How does the "smartest man" in the Marvel universe keep forgetting what a bonehead move that always is?) Norman Osborn backs off from the Baxter Building after the Richards' son Franklin shoots Norman in the shoulder with a pop-gun. How's that work? Never explained. And we get a glimpse of shadowy beings waiting between dimensions, promising to help Reed in his ambiguous quest to "solve everything." Which is also apparently the title of Hickman's first regular FF story.

Oh, and Reed has become convinced that the only thing that could have saved the world from the consequences of the Marvel's Civil War, Secret Invasion, etc. would have been if he had faced these problems alone. If he's wrong, it's hubris worthy of a Greek tragedy. Yet so far we've seen nothing to contradict Reed's supposition, and I'm more afraid that Hickman really does intend for Reed to be that unique. It's an utterly implausible conceit: in a multiverse of infinite** possibilities, we're to believe Reed Richards is the only man capable of saving the Earth from Skrulls and itself? Did Reed's Reality Bridge transport this series into the DC Universe by mistake?

Perhaps the story of the Bridge was doomed*** from the start. Perhaps the reason no one has explored alternate-reality problem solving in 40+ years of Fantastic comics is because there's no satisfying place for that story to go. Even if Reed discovers some great solution to the world's dilemmas, can we truly appreciate a resolution the hero never personally had to fight for? Or maybe this story has barely begun, and Hickman will wow us yet. But that still won't excuse these 4 out of 5 issues of FF: Dark Reign in which nothing really happened.

Marvel, please. If you've got a story that's at least passably self-contained, go ahead and make it a mini-series. If an arc is just the beginning of a longer epic, I'm cool with that too, just put it in the main title from the start. Is that so much to ask?

- JC

* No relation to 1602's Four from the Fantastick
**That word still means what I think it means, right?
**Not a pun, the Doc's not even in this story - unless his latest fiendish plot is just that cunning?