speaking of gender

There are probably many reasons girls don't read comics. For one, the stories get kinda samey, and it's a lot of money to spend each week that could better be saved for, I dunno, rent or groceries or ice cream. Better persons than I have no doubt explored all of the possibilities. But the one thing that makes me yell at the page and vow to swear off the entire genre? Boobs drawn by women.

I was reading the latest Runaways, which includes two short stories written and drawn by different people. The scripts are good to great; as long as you know the characters, Runaways isn't hard to write. Chris Yost ("Mollifest Destiny") threw a dozen X-Men/Molly gags together and had me laughing at every panel. James Asmus ("Truth or Dare") showed how much more interesting sleepovers might be if real teens had super powers. But the art in both stories didn't thrill me, and at one point was both annoying and disgusting.

In "Mollifest Destiny," the artist did a fine job with the boys, Molly and Klara, and most of the X-Men. Emma Frost, who is always drawn like a slut*, has a pose so physically improbable that I stared at the page, wondering if she'd had a few vertebrae removed for some reason. But the panel that made me scream and curse was a shot of Nico and her massive breasts, helpfully displayed by a corset.

What massive breasts, you say? Nico is a teenager. She doesn't have massive breasts. And even if she did, she's usually covered from elbow to knee at least. She makes her own clothes, remember? Her outfits often feature long coats, skirts with pants underneath, and big boots. I SAID BIG BOOTS.

So imagine my total dismay when I learned that the artist of this short piece is named Sara Pichelli. A woman.

It's bad enough that most comic artists pander to their audience, drawing women with impossibly large and bouyant breasts, painfully small waists, and body fat ratios so small they would never menstruate. (Not that geek boys, or any boys for that matter, think much of menstruation.) But when women do it, it's somehow worse. Especially for a book about young people, I would think an artist could say, for once I don't have to sketch proportions that would make Da Vinci cringe! Hooray! But no, Pichelli seems to think that it ain't a comic book unless it has boobs, so let's make sure the geek boys have something to think about later, in bed, alone.**

I'm not saying that images of beautiful women are bad or wrong or don't belong in comics. I can appreciate a good female form (and did so plenty before I hooked up with JC***), and I understand that a little cheesecake is expected in comics, even more so than on TV and in movies. But when even women bow to the convention of drawing characters with exaggerated features, what makes us think men won't have unreasonable expectations for women in their lives? When Wonder Woman, who has been wearing a bustier for almost 70 years, can't get a decent script or an artist willing to draw her some pants, where can comic fans who are more interested in the story than the skin find a decent book?

It looks like I'll have to raise my kids on old Power Packs and Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Even Archie screwed up by picking the wrong girl. And I trust that their father will stand as proof that not all men want the supermodel body type. Which is lucky for me, and JC seems to be happy as well. ****

- RD

*And that's a valid lifestyle choice, but f#ck Emma Frost. It's not necessarily about zomg she's taking Jean's place, it's just that I've never seen anything to make me think she doesn't suck as a leader.

**Which is also a valid lifestyle choice. And if they keep looking for women who look like the ones in comics, they'll stay that way for a very long time.

***A very valid lifestyle choice. Ask any of my ex-girlfriends.

****To be fair, I do have big boobs.